Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
