is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
