He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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