so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
false alarm, still single
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
