Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
