just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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