btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
