Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
