I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
