Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
