can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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