I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
