JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
