Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
