Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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