It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Less talking, more tequila
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
