where does the pee come out of this thing
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
