I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
