I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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