about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
