i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
