we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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