We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im holly from the hills drunk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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