she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
