She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
