Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
