I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
