I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
