The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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