I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
