I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
