She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
