a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
