Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
