Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
