please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
