fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
