you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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