would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
