As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
