i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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