Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
