is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
