can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm both gender and math confused
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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