Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
