And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
