I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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