TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
