TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's like heaven, but drunker
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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