I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
