I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
