It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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