his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
