That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Don't make out with my wife yet
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
